mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
