Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
