tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
