Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
