But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
one might say we're banned from that church
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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