I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
did you just send me my own nude
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
