My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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