Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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