i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
