Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
