He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
