I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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