Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
