I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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