At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
