16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just found puke in my bra..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
