What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
