just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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