I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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