I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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