I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
