The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
