I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
