i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
