Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
