if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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