Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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