Kiss
Puke
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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