You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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