Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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