I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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