I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
