Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
