So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
