I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
