That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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