Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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