Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
