So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
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i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
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I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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