you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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