I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
