hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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