New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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