the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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