I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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