I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
