This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
