can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Fuck appropriateness.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
