i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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