we're blogging at a bar
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
