Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
