Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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