You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
