this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
