you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
