Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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