cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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