i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
